I was at the Spa Retreat this year (which was AMAZING!), and I was getting breakfast on Saturday morning. I stopped over by the fruit salad and picked up a cup to put some fruit in. I noticed that it had a donut smudge on the side of it. I thought to myself let me get another clean cup. So I grabbed another cup and it also had another smudge on it. Now I didn't want to be wasteful so at this point I'm like what's going on, why are the cups dirty. Just then I looked down and discovered lo and behold I had some a smudge of donut glaze on my thumb from the yummy donut I picked up right before stopping at the fruit salad. Then I looked at the stack of cups and realized Wow, they started off clean, I was the one smudging them. Hmm.
Now I must admit normally I am quite analytical and can see a lesson in anything (my friends know this all to well lol), but definitely being at the Spa Retreat my spirit and mind was a little clearer so I instantly got a revelation. How many people do we know that can relate to this analogy whether they realize it or not. I have come across so many women whose attitude is "I don't do women" or "I've given up on men." This statement is always a red flag for me of someone who doesn't see their smudge. A few relational issues, okay no problem such is life. But once you develop a pattern of relationships where you are "misunderstood" or "unappreciated" or "mistreated" or whatever, after a while, the common denominator really is YOU. Unfortunately I believe this truth is too hard for some people to face just yet. I remember learning that the reason people faint or become unconscious is to protect the brain from processing to much pain so it just shuts down. I think so many people do the same thing emotionally, they just become unconscious. Totally unaware because they aren't yet ready to face deeply painful truths.
The unfortunate reality is though, until we face such controversial, confrontational truths about ourselves, we remain unable to change in those areas. So we keep blaming the "stack of cups" and everybody else as being the problem when really the problem and solution lies in one hard look in the mirror to see how we got the smudge on our thumbs. I especially find it sad for people in this predicament because I have been blessed to realize how much life is about relationships. I value them and pour into the relationships I have on many levels because I understand the value of people that you come across. It deeply grieves me to see people not able to attach to people long term and genuinely not realize that what they are bringing to the equation is the causing the conflict.
Now let me balance, I'm not saying that one person is completely to blame all the time because in any relationship it takes two to build. But when it comes to people who have what I call the "friendship deficiency", they aren't able to keep genuine lasting friendship because they don't possess enough of the "attaching" qualities such as selflessness, thoughtfulness, loyalty, patience, generosity, consideration, sacrifice, genuineness, honesty, or genuine love. These are people who I consider to have the donut smudge on their thumbs,every cup they come in contact with they will smudge and ruin relationships that really could have survived, minus the smudge.
Okay so wrapping up my soliloquoy, lol. We all need to really take time to evaluate ourselves. What do people really think of us? Who do people say we are when we're not around? What do we carry or give off in our interactions with people? And when we see unhealthy repetition in our interactions with people, isn't it time to look in the mirror. Chances are you don't keep running into the same circumstance by accident. And despite what most of these type of people love to think: IT'S NOT EVERYONE ELSE!
Just food for thought. Happy Memorial Day Weekend :)